Behaviour, Belonging, and Presuming Competence in SEN Teaching

In every SEN setting — mainstream, nurture, or specialist — there are learners whose behaviour speaks far louder than their words. For some children, spoken language has not yet developed. For others, verbal communication is not their most natural or accessible form of expression. And yet, communication is always present. Behaviour, in all its forms, is communication, and as educators, our role is to learn how to listen.

Presuming competence sits at the heart of inclusive SEN teaching. It means beginning from a place of belief rather than correction — assuming a child understands more than they can show and that their behaviour is meaningful, even when it challenges us. When we accept that some brains simply work differently, we move away from trying to change children and towards understanding how best to support them, helping them thrive in ways that suit their unique learning and communication styles.

Children with ADHD often find it harder to regulate attention, manage impulses, or cope with sensory and emotional demands in the classroom. They benefit from predictable routines, movement breaks, visual supports, and clear, calm instructions. By understanding ADHD as a difference in brain processing rather than behaviour that needs controlling, teachers and parents can provide the structure, flexibility, and support these children need to thrive alongside their peers.

For many children with higher support needs, behaviour is often the first language they use to communicate with us. Actions such as dropping to the floor, hitting, vocal stimming, self-injury, refusal, or avoidance are not random or purposeless. They are messages about safety, overwhelm, connection, or unmet needs. When behaviour is dismissed as attention-seeking or non-compliant, the communication is missed. The most important part of communication is not speaking — it is being heard.

In SEN teaching, safety must always come before strategy. When a learner clings to familiar objects, struggles with transitions, or reacts physically, it is vital to remember that they are not being difficult but are having a difficult time. Before introducing visual supports, schedules, or targets, we must first establish emotional and sensory safety. This may mean allowing comfort objects throughout the day, reducing or removing demands entirely, or regulating alongside the learner rather than directing them from a distance. Sometimes even well-intentioned support, such as offering a choice board or announcing the next activity, can overwhelm a dysregulated nervous system.

In these moments, approaches like Intensive Interaction remind us that connection precedes learning. Being present without expectation, mirroring vocalisations or movements, responding to gaze or shared attention, and allowing interaction to unfold naturally can communicate safety far more effectively than structured tasks. For some learners, this is where communication truly begins.

When a child’s behaviour becomes challenging, it’s natural for adults to want to restore calm or set clear boundaries. For sensory-driven learners, pre-speaking children, or those with demand-avoidant profiles, however, control-focused approaches can often increase anxiety and make regulation harder. Connection, not control, creates regulation. Shifting from control to co-regulation means joining the child’s world before expecting them to join ours, offering sensory support as a right rather than a reward, and replacing instructions with shared experiences.

Inclusion within SEN is often misunderstood as physical placement alone. True inclusion is not simply about being in the same room; it is about belonging. A child can sit in a classroom and still feel excluded if their sensory needs, communication style, or emotional regulation are not supported. Genuine inclusion requires us to adapt environments, expectations, and interactions so that children can participate as they are. We would never give someone a piano and expect them to play without teaching them how. In the same way, we cannot place a child in an environment and expect them to cope without guidance, modelling, and meaningful support.

Behaviour is something to be understood. When a child begins biting, throwing, withdrawing, or repeating vocalisations, they are not seeking attention but relief. Their nervous system is communicating a need for movement, pressure, rhythm, predictability, or escape. Understanding sensory profiles allows us to respond thoughtfully and meet those needs safely, which is the first step toward meaningful change.

Progress in SEN is rarely linear. When a learner suddenly withdraws, stops engaging, or refuses even preferred activities, it does not mean something has gone wrong. It often means they are asking for more connection, more regulation, or less demand. By choosing to stay present, to soften our approach, and to remain curious rather than reactive, we deepen our understanding of the child.

You are not going backwards. You are going deeper. You are not failing. You are responding. And that response — grounded in understanding, patience, and belief — is the most powerful intervention there is.

At Private ADHD Assessment Doncaster, we work closely with parents and carers, alongside schools and professionals — and most importantly, with the child themselves — to ensure each child’s needs remain at the centre of every decision. We believe the best support happens when everyone around a child works together to understand how their brain works and what they are communicating. Through collaborative, evidence-informed support, our aim is to help children feel understood, valued, and confident, while supporting families and schools to build the strongest possible foundations for their child’s future.